cAmOuFLagE

it has been almost one year since my last post here. can i say time flies? no!! coz i still have 400 days more to work like hell! haiz…i really can’t wait to finish my bond..really don’t want to work in the hospital especially in the ward..

i think no matter how long my ‘essay’ can’t describe the ugliness of nursing. you treat the patients well, but their family members never respect you, they treat you like sh*t..no choice i have to use that word coz it is really the way they treat nurses..i really really hate those family members that talk to doctors so nicely but scream and shout at nurses. sometimes i really feel like scolding them but i can’t coz i’m bonded. who is the one looking after your mum or dad everyday? who comes to help your parents clean up when they dirty themselves? the doctors? doctors can cure people but nurses also very important…if there is only doctor but no nurse then who will be doing the nursing care for you? doctors won’t feed you, won’t bring you for shower, won’t clean up your buttocks…you respect the doctor but can you please respect the nurse too? people say nurses are patients’ advocate but do you know that we always feel so stressful to handle the situations…patient due for discharge, last minute the doctor ordered a test, patient has to go for the test before discharge, when the nurse informed patient’s son regarding this, the son shouted and scolded the nurse. can the son blames the nurse? the nurse only doing her job by informing him, she is not the one that order the test for patient! how can he verbally abuse the nurse when the nurse is not in the wrong? nurses also have pride, our mothers gave birth to us to live in this world, not for you to SCOLD and ABUSE!! if the nurse does something wrong and you want to scold her then i got nothing to say. can you be more understanding??  most of the time it’s not really nurses’ fault but everybody just blame the nurse. so unfair. come and be a nurse one day then you know how we feel…

few more days and i will be one year old..time really flies, didn’t realise that i m working for nearly a year already. everyday at work is stress, stress, stress and stress!all jobs are stressful but you won’t understand the stress that all staff nurses are goin through..i don’t mind the stress since we can’t do anything to stop it, we just try not to let the stress control us..but sometimes things are just so unfair..haiz..nothing is fair in this world..

nowadays expectations are very high for everything.people can complain for a very minor thing.in the end it’s all the nurses’ fault…even though the mistakes are made by others, they will still point the finger at staff nurses..what the hell is goin on? if clerk takes the wrong appointment date, who to blame? they will just blame the staff nurse in charge…if the pharmacist prepares the wrong medications or the supplies for discharge medicines insufficient,who to blame? they will blame the staff nurse…if the doctor takes blood from the wrong patient, who to blame? they will blame the nurse..well, the nurse suppose to check the blood specimen, but you can’t only blame the nurse rite..doctor also has fault…there are so many things that are unfair in nursing…i hate that..

people works overtime but will get back the extra money..but us? we will never be paid if we knock off late..they will just say that it’s your own problem, you have poor time management…blah..blah..they will never understand that how busy the ward can be..yes, we must work faster but you want us to make mistake is it? rather be slow and steady so that won’t make big mistakes..knock off late is one thing, no time go for break is the other thing..sometimes the ward is like a mad house..so busy until you don’t even have time to go to the toilet..if you tell them that you never go for your break, they won’t bother, they will just say that it’s your own problem.for me, sometimes it’s not that i don’t want to go for break, it’s that i don’t dare to go becoz i m worried that my patients will be left unattended and they fall down.although my colleagues will watch over the patients but if anything happens, they will still blame the staff nurse in charge.i rather stay around and watch over the patients myself…haiz..

i have friends who work in other areas before workin as nurses…all of them verbalised that nursing is really stressful…they rather go back to their previous jobs..haiz..but what to do, we are all bonded….need to serve bond…how i wish my bond can be served faster..haha…work so hard for what? in the end nobody respect you, nobody appreciate what you did.. only treat you like a maid..no, worse than maid i should say….damn, what is happenin man?

wow, Hong Kong is really nice for shopping and eating…no matter you dine at where, cheap or expensive, regardless of what you eat…the food damn damn delicious..lol…i still remember the taste of the lobster…yummy..haha..even though HK is a small place, you can still shop till you drop! a lot of things to see and buy…i can’t get enough of shopping! you see what, you buy what..hahaha..i think 10,000 sg dollars also not enough for me to spend..lol…somemore the shops there close at very late, unlike here 10pm must go home sleep, haha..most of them open until 12 midnight which is very good especially for tourists coz you won’t waste your time and you get to go to as many shops as possible…

hmm..so nice to stay in a cantonese speaking environment…hehe…the feeling damn good…no matter where you go, always can hear people talking in cantonese…can practise my cantonese also..haha…but they sure know you are not local people, our accent is different although still speakin in canto…

i think the best thing during this trip was disneyland…lol..even though it is the smallest in the world, it is still fun to spend your day there! trust me, the place is very clean, really…i never know that the stage performance of the disney characters can be so enjoyable to watch until i saw it with my own eyes! i always think that it is only for kids, but if you see it, i m sure you will like it too, at least you will still appreciate it i guess..haha..even my parents also said it was nice..lol..watching them singing and dancing..kinda exciting..hehe..although this disneyland is small, actually one day is not enough if you really want to experience every single little thing there…took me 2 hours just to take pictures with only 3 characters…they are really like superstars!lol…a lot of shops inside there too..all selling disney stuff…very nice and cute, really feel like taking them all home…haha..even the food they sell there also very very nice! that’s why i said no matter what you eat or where you go, the food there sure nice..haha…next time if i go to HK again, definitely must go disneyland!

argh…Hong Kong i miss you!!!~View this photo

phew…finally finished my nite shifts..guess what? no patients passed away during these 4 nites!!!!! lol..my previous nite shifts everytime got people passed away! i was damn stressed doing nite shift..all my colleagues laugh at me, they say sure got patient die if i m on nite…haiz..but this time i proved them wrong!hehe…i broke my record! haha…kinda happy..lol :p

finally..i can go on leave very very soon! i m going to hong kong next month..i can’t wait man..haha..i must go there and shop shop shop non-stop! lol… hope that i will have a great time there with my dear parents…too bad my brother is unable to go with us..haiz…but don’t worry bro, i will buy presents for you and your gf..hehe..

finally finished my 3 days of night shifts this time around…this is my 3rd round of night shifts since i started workin and it was kinda ‘excitin’ on the 1st nite of my this 3rd round..hmm..maybe i shouldn’t say it’s excitin..it’s stressful actually! it was already very busy and somemore there were 2 new admissions that night. i thought it was still ok and i should be able to manage it but who knows one of my patient collapsed at 6.35am!!aiks…during this period of time is usually the busiest for night shift coz we need to finish up our reports, need to do the blood glucose monitorin for patients, patients started wakin up and we need to attend to them,etc…i remembered this patient was still ok when i went to give her the intravenous medicine at around 6am plus but after that my colleague found her unresponsive and stopped breathing…the minute when i saw the patient i was thinkin "oh my god, this patient is not a ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ status!!!!" which means still need to do something like active resuscitation though she was not for intubation or ICU, only maximum ward management..i was damn anxious and did not know what to do..doctor was informed and we started CPR for the patient…oh dear, this was my first time performing CPR for a real patient! we did CPR for quite awhile and doctors given medicine intravenously but in the end patient still couldn’t make it…somemore patient was a coroner’s case..haiz..family members very upset and i also didn’t know how to talk to them…the whole process was stressful but luckily my colleagues helped me…actually it was a good experience coz at least if next time the same thing happen again i would roughly know what to do…that day i stayed back until 10.30am to finish up my work..it was like workin for 12 hours plus..damn terrible…my arms also very painful due to the chest compressions…aiyo..until now i still can’t believe i did CPR for real patient..lol..can’t help it..first time always like that..haha..can you picture yourself as one of the participants in the scene of active resuscitation?? i tell you, it’s scary!!

finally i had a chance to watch my favourite superstar Chen Wei Lian performed live on last Saturday! i am already his fan when i saw him on TV at his very 1st audition in Project Superstar. so i was quite happy that i could watch him live..some more it was free of charge!haha!

it was about 8.45pm..he came on stage with the help of his assistant..he sat down, with his guitar…everybody was so excited…screaming and shouting..when the staff are still preparing , helping to adjust his microphone’s positions and stuff, suddenly i felt sympathy for him…because he is unable to do all those things by himself…i don’t know how to express what i really want to say actually..it’s like…you have to see it with your own eyes then you will know what i am trying to say…

at last, he finally started to sing! yeah! the 1st song he sang was ‘Tong Hua’…i really like the way he sings! i felt so touched when i heard this song live…almost wanted to cry..lol..with his professional guitar skill, he delivered the song in a perfect way…after that, he sang ‘I believe’…hmm..i think for this two songs, he sang better than on tv!! really! me and my brother feel that he actually can sing better if he is playing his guitar at the same time…it’s really true man…in the end, he sang ‘Ai Hen Jian Dan’…i don’t quite remember whether he has performed this song before…needless to say, he sang very well too for this song.

haiz..too bad he only performed 3 songs…i want more! haha…i really admire him..he is very brave and talented..even though he cannot see, he is gifted with a good voice… he has the courage to take part in the competition and he is not afraid of failure and others’ comments…unlike us, we are ‘healthy’ person but sometimes we have no patience and easily given up hope…

Wei Lian jia you!

time flies…a lot of things happened in these few months…firstly i failed my final attachment…i was damn disappointed…soooo sad..after that i went through repeat posting and i suffered a lot too…i lived like hell during that period…i really couldn’t believe that was my life…almost become anorexic too…finally i have passed my posting and also received my academic transcript…haiz… this is just the beginning of my life! i will have no life soon when i start work

Life is such a funny thing

You never know what it will bring

You know I’m just taking it day by day

For you it comes so easily

For me it’s just a fantasy

Coz nothing, nothing ever comes my way

I see you there, I watch you fly

If I could be you I would touch the sky

But here I am, and there you are

Don’t you know it’s driving me so crazy

I think I’m going crazy , can’t take it anymore

Got one thing on my mind all the time

And it’s driving me crazy , I think I’m going crazy

And I don’t know what I’m doing

I just can’t take your grace in my face

Coz it’s driving me crazy…..

Sit around and watch tv

God i hate what i see

Lock me up and throw away the key

I’ll spend my time chugging tea

But i can’t, i can’t, it’s not fair, it’s not fair

Think about it, while getting gray hair

It’s just another phase that i’ll go through

This time i’m sure i’ll lose you

Place my bets on all the Jacks and Queens

The probability being that it seems

I’m blind, i’m blind

Throw my change down a machine

Buy a chocolate bar so i can dream

Another day goes down the drain

Wash away, i wash away the pain